Oscar Wilde said, “The world was my oyster but I used the wrong fork.”
Today, more than ever, deals are sealed at the dining table. If you are not comfortable doing business over a meal you may be losing that business. That is why so many companies around the country are investing in dining etiquette and protocol experiences for their front line employees.
Business dining is about just that – business. Don’t get confused about why you are there.
First things first, when you are eating a business meal, please remember – you will eat again. If you are hungry at the end of the meal, you can always go through a drive through. During the meal match your eating pace to match your client’s pace. You do not want to be finished while your client is still eating, or vice versa. When your client is finished, you are finished.
The place setting, which is your napkin? Just think of a BMW car and when you sit down at a table. From left to right, “B” is your bread, “M” is your meal and “W” is your water or any drink. The bread plate is always to your left and drinks are always to your right. With that in mind, when you look at a preset table and see the napkin in the coffee cup, yours is the one to the right of your setting.
Last week a client was telling me that someone invariably takes her bread plate at functions. Not wanting to embarrass anyone and not knowing what to do, she just does not eat any bread. My suggestion is to wait until everyone has taken his or her bread plate and ask the person next to the unused plate to pass it to you, or ask the waiter for another.
Bread and butter, what do you do? Put a dab of butter onto your plate and break off a piece of bread small enough to put the entire piece into your mouth. You butter that small piece of bread and eat. Butter the bread on the plate not in your hand. Please, no buttering the entire roll and taking a big bite.
Some tips to remember throughout the dining experience:
- Wait until everyone has been served to start eating.
- Silverware goes from out to in – corresponding with the courses, first to last.
- Your silverware never hangs off the plate onto the table, keep it resting on the plate.
- Your napkin does not go back onto the table until it is time to leave the table at the very end of the meal. If you excuse yourself, place your napkin in the chair, not on the table.
- Cut one bite at a time, do not cut all your food up before you take a bite.
- Eat with your mouth closed.
- Do not turn your preset coffee cup over if you do not want any; just say “no thanks” when they are pouring.
- Put lipstick on in the restroom, not at the table (the same applies to toothpicks).
- Remember your BMW.
- Push your chair in when you get up at the end of the meal.
I was sitting with one of my best clients, the general manager of a top 500 company. He spends a great deal of his time entertaining clients and networking. He ordered a steak and then proceeded to stab the piece of steak with his fork and saw away with his knife. I know what I was thinking, I can imagine what his clients or colleagues think when they eat together. There are two ways to hold your silverware, American or Continental. Choose the way that is comfortable for you and learn how to do it well.
Here are some more quick tips to take care of your client:
- Always give your client the best seat. Let them look at the door and the other diners. You want to make sure that your focus is your client.
- If you want to pay and do not want to make a scene when the bill comes, get there early and give the waiter your credit card or handle it before by visiting the restaurant and giving them an imprint of your credit card.
- It is always a good idea to build rapport with the restaurant staff. Your behavior reflects how you do business. If there is a problem and you make a scene you will tell more about yourself than the food.
Due to the fact you are focused on the client, what you order is important. I stay away from long pasta, carbonated drinks and any finger foods where I may be tempted to lick my fingers. Ribs are out.
Last week in a Business Dining Etiquette seminar, one of the participants started picking his teeth. When I mentioned that picking teeth was inappropriate he was surprised and asked, “What am I supposed to do?” Excuse yourself and go to the restroom.
You may not be remembered for good manners, but you certainly will be remembered for bad manners. Whether you are on an interview or dining with coworkers or clients, crossing your ‘T’s’ and dotting your ‘I’s’ makes you more competitive. If you know how to handle yourself properly you can forget about which fork to use and get down to business.
Great article. One more – elbows off the table. Always.
Thank you for sharing your article on dining protocol. I liked the information especially about building rappart with the restaurant staff and giving your client the best view of other diners or the entrance.
Thanks again for writing and sharing.
Excellent topic and even better points. Dining out has always been an issue with me. Whether with my family, my boss or clients. Thought I was on top of things, but there were one or two points I was unaware of. It has always amazed me the way people eat. Some are down-right discusting – regardless of their background and income
Thank you very much for bringing the long forgotten art of good manners, back into focus. I appreciate the BMW guideline as well. And although many of the eating establishments I visit can not be called “Fine Dining”, I’d really like to know how men got the idea that wearing a baseball cap is proper at the table……
If your hosting always order first as it gives a guideline to your meal budget. It also stops the guest from embarrassing themselves by ordering starters or too expensive food etc.
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Thsi was a great read. I entertain often and ther are a couple of other points I would like to add:
1)no party tricks. I was at a dinner where a person was doing little parlor tricks which basically came across as extremely arrogant. One was pushing a cork into the bottom of the wine bottle and requesting we get it out. This resulted in one of the guests getting wine all over his shirt.
2) Know the menu before you go and know the reviews on the restaurant. You don’t want to shrug your shoulders when your guest asks you for a recommendation. One caveat, do not “vouch” for a dish you have not tried yourself. You can simply say, I hear or I read that …
3) don’t ever boast about your wine knowledge. Wine is a very personal choice and some like some really cheap wines while other have different taste. If you make a scene about your tasting this wine while in Tuscany with the wine maker and your guest doesn’t like it, your credibility is in trouble.
Excellent article- can’t tell you how grossed out I can get at a client meal-
One thing I learned from my father- don’t season your food before you taste it. Many people have not been hired because they made a decision before they knew the facts.
Great article, Kim! Really includes valuable advice to keep in mind. If I could add a couple I observed recently:
When napkins are on bread plates, remember Kim’s BMW rule: your napkin is on your bread plate which is on your left.
You can and should appreciate the client’s choice of wine without over-indulging (if you like wine) or spurning the wine (if you don’t like wine or don’t like this one in particular).
I have a friend who is a well known doctor, probably making in the tune of $300k per year or more. When we dine with together he always stabs his meat like he needs to kill it first or clamp it to the plate before he cuts. Picture: Thumb and pointer finger are at the end of the fork & pinky finger is closest to the fork prongs. I am sure that he eats this way in front of his other co-workers. How do you kindly tell him the proper way to eat his meat? Maybe I’ll print your blog and mail it to him? Thoughts.
This is a dilemma. I would tell him about this great article you’ve just read and what you’ve learned. If he thinks you’ve learned something from it, he may be able to learn something too. You can also direct him to this faux paux video on our Youtube channel http://youtu.be/tJTrLFOGNgk and let him know you’re going to order this Dining Protocol Video when it comes out. By doing this, it puts it on your growth without putting him on the spot.
but… the article does not explain the proper way to eat meat. How will it help him? Nor does it even make clear what was wrong with how he ate steak. As I was reading it, I was puzzled, “so what are you supposed to do?” You gotta hold the meat with the fork to stabilize it in order to cut it.
Bart, there are many reference sources to how to hold your silverware correctly. There is an entire chapter in our book, “You Did What?” The Biggest Mistakes Professionals Make and you can order it from our website.
Good article, but – when do you start discussing “business” at a business dinner? How much small talk before you begin? And what is appropriate small talk? How long until you bring up the “project” or “deal”? How would YOU begin the conversation once you all arrive at the table and sit down? Just curious……and don’t answer with “it depends”.
Be prepared to make small talk until you’ve ordered. Be as interested as you can, not interesting. Don’t get into any of the small talk traps: politics, religion, sexual orientation, racial comments, anything too personal, negativity. Stay positive and stay interested. Once you’ve ordered, you can bring up the business at hand. At that point I would say something like, “Eddie, thank you for joining me for lunch to discuss the xyz project. I would love to hear your thoughts…”
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A great summary of do’s and don’ts. A few additional tips are to lay your fork and knife across the plate with the handles in the “4 o’clock” position when you are finished eating. Tines of the fork should be face down and your used napkin should be placed to the left of your dinner plate.
Thank you for your comments. Tines up or down and how you lay your knife and fork really depends on your cultural norm. It’s great to do research when you travel or eat with people from other countries.
Excellent article with a good FOCUS. Remember the focus of the meeting is landing business NOT to correct their protocol! You are trying to make THEM comfortable NOT prove your good manners!
Great article. I do, however, disagree with the seating suggestion. controlling the seating is a very important part of making sure your client has his attention on you and not everything and everybody else around you. Obviously, if your client goes for the better setting, just let it be. But if you control it, you will have a much more productive lunch or dinner meeting.
Point well taken. We tend to go with Jeffrey Gitomer’s “Grandma Test” – we treat every client as though we were hosting them in our own home. We would rather they be comfortable and enjoy the “experience” which they will then link to us.
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The best tip I ever heard for figuring out what water glass or bread plate is yours, came from Kelly Ripa on her LIVE with Regis & Kelly show. Make a circle with each thumb and forefinger, holding your hands out in front of you. Point the rest of your fingers straight out. You’ll see your thumb, index and 2nd finger look like a “d” — that’s the side where YOUR water glass resides (to your right). Look at your left hand; the thumb and first 2 fingers form a “b” if you did this right. That’s the side where YOU own that nearby bread plate! Naturally you don’t have to literally do this to figure out what’s yours and what’s your neighboring diner’s each time you eat out, but it’s never failed me. Unless, of course, those on both sides of me don’t know this trick and I have to wait until all bread plates or water glasses are in use, and ask someone to pass me the unused ones. LOL
Linda, it’s a great suggestion. My only thought is just be aware that people may see you make the shapes with your fingers. And if you’re nervous, you may forget which is the b and which is the d. That’s why I like BMW. Thanks for the note.
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