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Keys to Using Your Verbal Influence

How do you become an influencer? It all starts with communication; in meetings, one-on-one conversations, conflicting moments or just building a relationship. Successful communication depends on our ability to use “verbal influence”, which will decrease stress and allow us to accomplish more.

Set a winning stage for yourself each day with every interaction having a positive outcome.

  • Awareness of how you are perceived will determine if someone will work with you or against you.  Your emotional equilibrium is vital. Have consistent self-awareness and be self regulated in every interaction.
  • Show Time Mindset
    • Put on your “Game Face”
    • Ability to remember how professional you are, having emotional detachment
    • Reply, don’t react – knowing you own triggers
  • Greeting

    • Always involves verbal – tone and non-verbal – body language, empathy, listening, respect and dignity

Two Paths of Conversation
A conversation follows an expected path or it deteriorates. Either way follow these steps:

1.     Listen

  • Twice as much as you talk 2:1
  • Don’t interrupt
  • Watch for non-verbal clues
  • Make eye contact

2.     Empathize

  • Treating others according to their emotional reactions
  • Acknowledge and recognize, be sincere validating others feelings
  • Be non judgmental, offer support/partnership
  • Use positive body language

3.     Ask

  • Fact finding (who, what, where, when, why, and how)
  • To gain understanding
  • For clarity and emphasis
  • Examples: Do you think…? Am I hearing you correctly?

4.     Paraphrase

  • Their meaning dressed in your words, than deliver it back
  • Reword the words or the idea – “Let me be sure I understand …”

5.     Summarize

  • A short version of what you have heard
  • Brief, concise, and unarguable


  • Taking the conversation back to the facts to get to your bottom line.
  • Be careful not to “dismiss” the person’s point of view by acknowledging, possibly with a thank you and calmly move forward with what you need to say.

Follow Up

  • Always follow up and check in, especially if you promised you would
  • Set a definite time to follow up

Whichever path you take, remembering to use these keys will allow you to leave the conversation with dignity and respect for all parties.  Influence is critical for effective communication and building strong relationships whether professionally or personally.

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